Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I've never been someone who is amazing at one thing. I think I have a lot of mediocre talents that suffice for a normal average person. I'm not a world renown chef, a marathon champion, a pulitzer prize winning author, or Picasso but I am a cook, a runner, a writer, an artist and many other things. I don't tell a lot about myself openly with people I don't know very well. I don't even like talking about my personal life at work, and I've worked with the same people for almost two years. I am a very personal type person and I got a little red when someone wanted me to announce to a group of people that I will be a featured artist at the My Angel Foundation Art and Wine social on November 13, 2009. I don't know if subconsciously I don't think that my accomplishments are that great or that I'm just hard on myself. Who knows. I am very excited for the event though, I'm just a little worried that no one will get/understand why I painted what i did. I like it, if I feel like crying when I look at it, that's a sign that it was meant to be painted and that it's something that I am truly in love with. Not only is the event part of a great organization that I am very passionate about but it's on the 9 year anniversary of the day I watched my mom die in my dad's arms. I remember it like it was yesterday and still carry it with me everyday. Nine years, you would think that some of the sadness had worn off, the guilt had faded or the terrible memory of seeing my mom dying on our bathroom floor would be a little softened. It hasn't faded or worn away. It's still right there in the forefront of my mind, affecting many things I do on a daily basis, and probably will for the rest of my life. I don't I know God had this planned from the very beginning of my mom's life and mine, and everyone who was affected by it. Since that day, November has and probably always will be bittersweet for me. I absolutely love fall, but the memories of losing my mom will still make it a little bit bittersweet. I think a lot of the things I do because it helps me have an outlet to my emotions and the massive amount of them that had to be dealt with in a very short amount of time, nine years ago, and they've just stuck with me. I love my mom, I love what she gave to me, I love that her death has pushed me to be someone and something more than I could have ever imagined, I love that she made me strong, I love that she lead me to the Lord, I love the 16 years I got to spend with her and I love the prospect of seeing her again in Heaven. Weather it be cooking, painting, running, loving, learning, crying, laughing, etc, I carry her with me.